As expat men and women pour out of their offices every evening in their chosen land of opportunity, towards the various hip bars and night spots on the eternal quest for love or casual adventure, the men seem to win on every front.
"How do men always manage to find themselves a Russian girlfriend?" is an oft-heard complaint among the luckless expat ladies. Statistically, this makes ample sense as there are far more women in Russia than men, and the latter therefore have the pick of the bunch, whereas great Russian men are thinner on the ground.
"I have heard the complaint from Russian women that Russian men are all drunk and/or lazy," says Maria Kleminsova, who is half British and works for a PR company in Moscow. "It's a bit unfair, but statistically not only are there fewer men, but there are fewer men with gainful employment."
It is hardly surprising, therefore that with all the odds in their favor, men need not make any effort to go about meeting women in Moscow. They often need only to walk into a bar.
"I've seen how it works and it's quite scary," remarks Andrew Collins from the U.S. "If you go into one of the sports bars around town you'll find a group of about 20 foreign men watching football and suddenly Russian girls will appear from nowhere, some are prostitutes, some just women seeking to meet foreign men, and they will start ‘practicing their English,' or Swedish, or whatever language the men happen to be speaking." For the men it is a very easy ‘score', for the girls - a very easy catch. Presumably, everyone is happy.
"Bars are a waste of time," say Ruth and Karen, two lively and attractive girls from Scotland and London. "We even tried speed-dating here once. It seemed like the perfect solution, think of all the guys we were going to meet... only the organizer couldn't find enough interested men to pair up with the girls for the evening and had to fill in the gaps with a load of his gay friends! Then we tried joining an international choir, but there were 6 men to 45 women! Hopeless..."
"I believe that Russia is like another world for western men, something that they are not used to at all," says Kirsten Larson, a Swede who lost her Canadian boyfriend of five years to a Russian girl. "It's like heaven for them as Russian girls are very different from Western girls and, for some men, seemingly a lot more suitable. Of the single foreign guys I've known there isn't one that hadn't hooked up with a Russian girl within two months."
Sofia's words could not ring truer in the case of Etienne, a young French lawyer who recently moved to Moscow. "It's a real paradise here," says Etienne. "Everywhere you look you see beautiful women. Competition is fierce for foreign women, who don't really stand a chance here. Russians look after themselves better and they are generally more beautiful. There seems to a more retrograde view here, more in line with the 1950s, where a man's pleasure was one of woman's primary aims. Here all the women go to the gym and have toned bodies." And he goes on: "they are tigers in the bedroom and really take things in their own hands. They would never dream of refusing to make love even if they're not in the mood. My ex-girlfriend Natasha would never contradict me in public even if she disagreed with me".
"I have found that Russian women are more affectionate and loving," says Peter Johnson, 58, who relies on dating agencies to meet Russian women as it is not so easy for older men to meet women in clubs. Agency websites show an array of ultra glamorous ladies seeking foreign partners. Despite a failed second marriage to a Russian, Peter continues to place his faith in Russian women. "Women's lib never happened here, and in general I think women's attitudes to men are far better here than in the West. They do expect you to take them to expensive restaurants though," he continues, "expecting you to have stacks of money. One of the women I met on the Internet made a reservation at this expensive restaurant before we'd even met. I ordered nothing for myself and still ended up paying about $300. This dating has cost me thousands already."
"Women here are much more approachable," continues Etienne, who admits that he disapproves of feminism. "We have reached a situation in the West where women are trying too hard to be like men. Their own career expectations surpass my own, and that is not what we want from a woman. If I am in competition with my partner, then that automatically reduces the affection I feel for her and the relationship cannot work out." While illustrating his point further with tales of pretty girls in bars ignoring their escorts to flirt with him and follow him out for x-rated activities, Etienne's eyes dart around the room to check out the attributes of ladies at neighboring tables, trying to make eye contact. Presumably the affection he gets from his current Russian girlfriends, however outstanding, is not enough to fulfill his continual craving.
However, cultural differences can get in the way of these international romances. Jonathan Boldy, a Cambridge graduate from the UK, has had his fair share of Russian girlfriends but is now disillusioned. "They have extremely preconceived ideas about relationships and love. As a broad definition men must be as macho as possible and women as dainty as they can." He recalls being derided for wanting to cook a meal or do the dishes, as though his masculinity was at stake. One English girl recalls how, as the only girl at a Russian party, she was expected to clear up all the mess while the boys put their feet up at the end. She soon broke up with her Russian boyfriend.
One British journalist, who asked not to be named, deplores the typical acclimatized, expat man's approach. "If having a woman clean, cook and agree with them is the limit to what they perceive a good relationship to be, well then maybe they've found their ideal but many people need something more profound than that," says the Oxford graduate. "As with most expat girls you meet here, you have a stronger bond because you share something in common, and the notion that they're less attractive is most of the time just absurd. Taste is very subjective but personally I don't find micro skirts, PVC boots and leopard-print boob tubes appealing. One heartwarming thing about the changes in the past few years is that Russian girls are beginning to look more western and not all of them dress as if they are looking for paying customers. At least then you can start judging them on their personalities. Plenty of Russian girls are very pleasant and attractive, but so are plenty of girls in the West. And both can be obnoxious. Beauty is international, and so, on the other hand, is extreme ugliness."
But Frank Lieberman, a lawyer from the U.S. says: "it's difficult to have a significant long-term relationships with a Russian because of the linguistic and cultural barriers, and after all some couples can barely communicate, apart from a few Neanderthal grunts. But then most men out here are not seeking long-term relationships".
So while expat men experiment with their fantasies-come-true, it looks like their female counterparts will have to look elsewhere for their entertainment. "I didn't date many men," says Ruth Samuel, a PR executive from the UK, "but I've had a whale of a time, got involved in all sorts of activities, travelled all around Russia, met fascinating people and made lifelong friends. It's been the happiest and the most interesting time of my life. As for men, that will come too, back home perhaps." So who is losing out?
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