Hammer and Sickle Still Tickles Russia's Fancy

06/03/2008

Russia's diehard political workhorse, the Communist Party, continues to have a powerful grip on the nation's collective imagination. On March 2, Party leader Gennady Zyuganov managed to attract about 18 percent of Russia's presidential votes, second only to the contest's uncontested champion, Dmitry Medvedev.

This respectable chunk of representation proves that the grand old party of Marx and Lenin is still capable of attracting the comrades. And this is no longer your grandfather's party. At a recent meeting with foreign journalists, Zyuganov's entourage was surprisingly top heavy with young, smart protégés, who had all of the politically correct slogans at their disposal. Although a bit too quick to forgive the monstrous blunders of the Soviet past, the future leaders of the Communist party demonstrated an ability to comprehend the grim political tasks of these modern days, such as tackling climate change and addressing the impact of globalization.

But from a more practical view, it is not difficult to understand the perennial appeal of the communist message, especially as Russia continues to "enjoy" breakneck rates of economic development. And although Moscow may be home sweet home to the highest number of billionaires in the world, this double-edged honor only adds to the inflationary headaches of Europe's most populated city. In other words, unless your name happens to be J.D. Clampett of Beverly Hills, shopping in Moscow is a truly humbling experience.

Therefore, as much as I hate to admit it, I find some solace in Russia's lingering vestiges of Communism. Actually (to turn Karl Marx on his head), it is my half-serious belief that every nation should pass through the gauntlet of communism before they move on to the magical malls of Capitalism. Why? Well for starters, the trains are always on time.

1. Elaborate Metro. Under Com­munism, as far as I can understand, very few workers needed or wanted to get to their jobs on time. (Soviet-era Joke: How many people work in this factory? About half, sir!). Yet the trains ran - and still do - as punctually and efficiently as Swiss watches. In America, by comparison, where it is vital to report to work on time lest we infuriate our dear bosses, get fired, and default on the house, the trains arrive about as often as penguins in Palm Beach. Since the Moscow Metro was designed to outlast the Pyramid of Cheops, the hyper-capitalist capital of Russia now boasts one of the most efficient underground systems in the world.

2. Education System. One of the greatest ironies to emerge from the end of the Cold War is that the Russians under communism were fluent in several languages, yet could only risk a peek at the foreign-speaking European prairie from across an Iron Curtain. By comparison, Americans were allowed to travel wherever we wanted, yet generally could only speak English (and rarely have an international passport). Today, the trend continues: Russians can converse with French waiters, for example, about what type of French fries they would like with their frog legs, while many Americans must settle for Le Big Mac.

3. Health Care. Given the brutal circumstances of my last weekend, this category should have ranked number one. To shorten a long and painful story, I needed to have a tooth removed at 3 a.m. last Monday. Yes, sucked to be me. There are some things in life - like newborn babies and toothaches - that just won't wait till morning. Anyways, after enduring one hour of medieval manipulations, I made an attempt through the fog of my anesthesiology and exhaustion to settle my account with the polyclinic people. But to my fantastic surprise the service was free of charge. I was not even required to show my passport. Dear American readers: Please try and imagine the folly of finding a 24-hour clinic in the U.S. where a qualified dental surgeon will extract your tooth in the middle of the night - for free.

4. Child Care. New York City couples pay at least $1,500 dollars per month to have a nanny sit with their child. In Moscow, we sent our 3-year-old daughter to a Montessori School from 9 a.m. until 6 p.m. everyday for 3,000 rubles (about 100 bucks at the time) per month. This was considered a real stretch of the rawhide since most daycares here are free of charge.

5. Politics. One thing that I continue to hear from Russians of all stripes is that America's present political system brings back memories of their glorious Soviet days. They like to recite the famous story about the unfortunate apparatchik who decided that a five-minute applause for Joseph Stalin was really quite enough, so he returned to his seat long before his fellow comrades. The man won himself a one-way trip to Siberia the very next day. Although America has no Siberia, it does have a warm attachment to the herd mentality (clap, clap, clap), which is proving to be every bit as dangerous, especially given the reckless antics of the present administration. But the best summary of the U.S. political scene I have heard in Russia came from an old Soviet war hero who lives in my building. Upon seeing a photo of Hillary Clinton from a newspaper I was holding, he barked: "Your Democrats and Republicans, just as dirty as our Bolsheviks and Mensheviks!"

Now there was a man who understood a thing or two.

By Robert Bridge